Medals of Honor
by ThePriceIsMeg
Summary: Jane thinks her scars are ugly, and Maura wants to try something new. Oneshot smut.


**Just a little piece of smut set early in Jane and Maura's sexual relationship (continuing on the heels of my other story Yellow Is For Friendship, although you don't have to have read that). And I know the scars thing has been done a trillion times, but I don't know, it just kind of happened anyway. Here ya go.  
**

* * *

If this were a movie, there would have been the sound of a record needle screeching.

"I'm sorry - did you just say you '_don't do that_'?"

"Yeah? So what?"

"Wait." Maura held out a hand as if to further halt the conversation. "Wait, I need to know what that means."

"It means exactly what it sounded like it means.." Jane said, taking another bite of breakfast.

"Cunnil-"

"Stuuh-uh, c'mon," Jane closed her eyes in a momentary grimace of exasperation. "Why you gotta call everything the grossest thing?"

"Does that mean you've _never_... ?"

"Of course I have," Jane said defensively, adding in a barely-audible mutter while reaching for more toast, "once."

"_Once_?! Jane, that is a _crime_!"

"What? It's not that great."

Maura was gaping at her like she'd just casually mentioned being a victim of the world's worst atrocity.

She had tried to bring the topic around as casually as possible; it had been a couple of weeks since they'd first made love, and she had started to wonder why Jane hadn't seemed to want to try that yet. She knew Jane wasn't the most open about this anyway, but she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"_Wow_. You have been with all the wrong people, my friend."

"Well I know _that_. And it's not like I _wanted_ anybody to, and they said no..."

"Tell me about the one time."

"...What about it?" Jane asked uncomfortably.

Maura grew serious with a new theory, whispering, "Did something traumatic happen?"

"No? Just... not much to talk about."

"Well, tell me _something_?"

She sighed. "Eh.. it was my second boyfriend I ever slept with... I didn't know he was gonna, but all of a sudden he just _was_, I was curious so I let him... I dunno. Didn't do anything _bad_, but it wasn't so good I ever wanted to try it again."

"What did he do?" Maura pressed, completely unable to understand.

Jane set down her fork irritably, "I can't really give you a play-by-play, alright, it was like... 30 seconds, over a decade ago, I don't know." And even if she knew what to say, she wouldn't say it out loud.

Maura was gaping again.

The sensation had just been so awkward and vulnerable, even long before she really learned what vulnerability meant - before Hoyt or anything else, before she had physical or psychological scars to worry about - and she still didn't enjoy it. She'd been too self-conscious to pay much attention.

Maura had a hundred more questions, but judging by Jane's face, she knew to give up now.

"Okay, okay. I am extending an official invitation to you -" she put out her hand for Jane to shake, some combination of a promise and a challenge - "You say the word, if and when ever you decide, and I will change your mind."

"You sound awful sure about that."

"Awfully, and yes, I am."

"What if my mind isn't changed?" she raised an eyebrow.

"If you don't like it, we don't have to do it," Maura shrugged, and her smile grew right back again. "But I really don't expect that to be an issue. Please, please think about it," she urged, already looking excited as she rose to clear their plates.

Jane had known this was going to be something she'd have to face, sooner or later.

Of _course_ Maura was into that. Of _course_ she expected to give and of _course_ she expected to get. And of _course_ she'd expect the best, just like everything else in her life. And she certainly was confident, for someone who'd never done it before. Jane was a bit more nervous about starting her skills from scratch, but truth be told, she was more nervous about receiving than anything.

If they tried it, sure, it probably _would_ feel good. But probably she'd eventually just be laying there trying to think of a halfway tactful way to say 'thanks but I forfeit', and she'd feel weird and Maura would be disappointed and the whole thing would just... _sigh._

But hey, everything else she'd ever known had been totally different with Maura so far. And if her girlfriend wanted to try something, she wasn't going to say no - she just wasn't sure when she would say yes.

She'd keep that invitation in her pocket for some other day.

* * *

Jane shut the water off and took a breath before stepping out of the shower.

She wasn't embarrassed of her body in front of Maura, but wasn't quite yet 100% genuinely comfortable stepping out of the shower in front of her, either.

But naturally, whenever Maura smiled that certain smile and reached out to touch her, like she was physically unable to stop herself, that helped her feel a little better each time.

Still in her nightie, Maura stepped closer for a kiss. She ran a palm down Jane's wet chest and stomach, until it crossed her scar, and she lingered there for a moment. The muscles under her fingers twitched as Jane subconsciously pulled away just a little.

Sure, Jane had the little cosmetic grievances everyone did; she'd never call herself beautiful, and it would take some serious soul-searching before she could be coerced into wearing a bathing suit (something she fearfully suspected was on Maura's to-do list). However she was aware that her body was at least a decent-looking one. And it was strong, worked properly, and did everything she asked of it, so she had no real complaints.

The only thing she hated was her growing collection of scars. Not because of vanity, but because each one was a reminder of something horrible, engraved permanently right into her flesh.

Given the choice, she preferred lights-out when it came to lovemaking, but didn't make a big scene about refusing to show them if not. That would be worse. That would only call attention to it. As long as the privileged set of eyes understood that they were just supposed to ignore them, it didn't really bother her.

Her hand darted to Maura's and scooted it aside, trying to say _don't_ without saying _stop_.

"It doesn't hurt, does it?" Maura searched her eyes with a slight frown, glancing down. It shouldn't hurt. Not even psychogenically. It'd been years.

"No. Just." Jane flashed a displeased face, reaching for a towel.

"I've seen it before," Maura reminded gently. "I've seen them all." After all, she'd been a witness to the creation of many of them, stitched them up, bandaged them as they bled, examined and treated them as they healed. She was as familiar with them as Jane was - maybe more so. And it had never seemed to bother Jane before.

"Not this way." Maura was the only one she'd ever been really okay with seeing her scars up close. But to have her touching one now, not as a doctor but as a lover, was so different and made her want to squirm away. She didn't doubt Maura loved her enough to look past them - she wasn't nearly _that_ insecure. But she wasn't looking past them, her touch had returned and was lingering there specifically, and it was hard to feel sexy with her touching the ugliest part of her. "Not when the idea's that.. you're supposed to like what you see."

"I _love_ what I see. Jane, you are beautiful," she said, easing the towel out of Jane's hand and putting it back on the rack, and doing her best to prove she meant it with a kiss. "You're so beautiful and nothing about you is any exception."

"I, but just... thanks, but you can ignore 'em, okay? It's no big deal."

"I don't want to ignore any part of you. I love all of you." Maura kissed her between sentences. "If there are parts that you want to ignore, I intend to love them enough for both of us." Her hands ran down Jane's back, fingers skimming over the various nicks she had already memorized.

Jane smiled appreciatively, giving her a brief squeeze and a kiss in return.

"That's sweet, Maur, but really, I don't have a complex about it, it's just... well, who likes to have somebody focus on their imperfections?"

"Imperfections?" Maura repeated, taken aback. "Those are not imperfections. Those are merit badges. They're medals of honor."

Jane started to level her a sardonic look, but saw a sincerity in those hazel eyes that made her soften again.

"Like these." She picked up Jane's right hand and held it between hers for a moment, smoothing her fingers over the back it, closing her eyes. Feeling the warm skin and the pattern of her veins and those slightly rough knuckles she rarely remembered to put lotion on, and that little half-moon shaped ridge so familiar to her that it made her smile. Her fingers traced it softly.

"This was meant to break you, but it only made you stronger."

That may not have been completely true, Jane almost pointed out. She had regained almost full strength and mobility, even if the loss was imperceptible, the difference between 99% and 100%, the word was still _almost_. But maybe Maura had not meant it in a physical sense. Although _that_ very well might be even less accurate, considering-

Maura had raised that hand to her lips and was placing a long, soft kiss to it.

"Don't..." Jane started. Her hesitation was all on Maura's behalf. It was sweet, really. But she didn't want those perfect lips to have to touch something ugly just to prove a point. "You don't have to do that." She gave only the tiniest suggestion of a tug, but Maura's fingers only interlaced with hers a little more tightly, turning her hand around.

"I want to." Gently extending Jane's fingers away from the palm, she pressed her lips to the more subtle scar there. And she repeated with the other hand, sealing it with twin kisses back and front.

"I love your hands... you know, when I think of the human hand, I first think of _yours_? All these years I've known anatomy as well as..."

"Like the back of your hand?" Jane couldn't stop herself from smirking.

"Yes," - she smiled, but gave Jane's hand a tiny pull telling her she didn't want to sidetrack for jokes- "and hands without scars sometimes look strange to me. I've actually done a double-take at my own before, thinking something is missing. I know you hide your hands in your pockets around new acquaintances so they won't ask for the story, and you keep your gloves on longer than you have to at crime scenes unless you already know everyone there. Sometimes I even feel you adjust the way you're touching me so that I won't feel them. I know you hate them. I know you wish they weren't there."

She placed them both to her chest, and Jane knew she was supposed to cooperate and flatten her palms and let her press them there.

"I'm sorry for how they came to be. But I'm not sorry they're there. They're a part of you. It only makes you more unique... I feel these scars every time you touch me." Jane was prepared to look apologetic, or slightly disgusted on her behalf, until she continued, "And I love that. I _want_ to feel that. They're not just another pair of hands, they're _you_ - they feel different than anybody who's ever touched me... the way they feel, and the way you make _me_ feel with them... and Jane, I don't ever want to be touched by hands without them. Never."

Even though she'd never imagined their relationship to be anything less than permanent, that had never been specifically discussed, and Jane shivered to hear her say it.

She couldn't help but kiss Maura now. She kept her hands pressed to her chest even after they were left unattended. And when that kiss broke, Maura was peppering more over smooth, tanned shoulders as she circled behind Jane.

"And this one." She kissed the whitish scar on her right shoulder blade. "I remember when you came in with your shirt torn..."

"You stopped in the middle of a Y-incision to fix me," Jane remembered, smiling over her shoulder.

"Well, the living ought to be the priority."

Maura's lips were still pressing kisses all over.

"Your stitches didn't even hurt..."

"Because I used anesthetic - and what do you mean, you whined every second!"

"What was I _gonna_ say?" Jane shrugged, putting on a breathy voice, '_Oh, Maura, you're so gennntle, can I have more stitches? I'm going to tackle someone into garbage cans evvvery day_.'"

Maura laughed, leaning on her. Her fingers ghosted over a smaller scar near the middle of Jane's back.

"I don't know this one."

"That's an old football injury. Fifth grade I think. Ricky Pascianno tackled me into a bench."

Maura bent to kiss it, her lips trailing down Jane's spine.

"I'll bet you tackled him right back."

She snorted. "I did."

Maura knelt to address the largest scar at the small of Jane's back. She sent a hand around Jane's front to cover its bookend, the smaller entrance scar.

"This one. This was one of the times I was most afraid in my whole life. The hardest I ever cried," she said quietly.

Jane half turned around, looking down at her questioningly. She knew she'd been in critical condition for a while, and Maura never hid the fact that she'd shed tears, but she'd never heard her admit that much before.

"My chances were never _that_ bad, were they?"

"I wasn't happy with anything less than a hundred percent chance I was getting you back," she said, pressing her lips to the overly firm, wrinkled skin. It would take several kisses to cover it. Jane almost flinched away, still a little uncomfortable but also mellowed by emotion. "And that was when I first fully realized I was in love with you. In the ambulance, I knew. I knew if you didn't open your eyes again, I..." she just shook her head a little, giving up on the rest of the sentence.

She kissed the scar once more and stood, leading Jane into the bedroom and indicating for her to lay down on the bed.

"But I'm still wet-" she began to protest.

A wry glance forewent the joke. Jane relented and pulled the tie out of her hair, finding that the ends had still gotten wet despite her bun. She laid back, letting Maura clamber on top of her and welcoming a deep kiss.

It was odd to be fully naked while Maura was fully clothed, but when she tried to change that, Maura gently slid her hands away and whispered, "I'm not done."

She trailed her lips down over Jane's chin, down to those two faint white lines, one right over the other. The top one, she had seen happen.

"This is the _other_ most scared I've ever been. But then you saved my life when I thought we were both beyond hope... and it's when I started to entertain the fantasy that you might love me back."

Jane didn't realize she was touching Maura's matching scar, until she saw her own hand there.

"Loving you was all that made me able to do it," Jane said quietly.

Maura smiled, dipping to press her lips there again. The brunette tilted her head to expose her throat, a more submissive move than she expected.

Maura got lost for a moment, gently kissing the lines etched there, in a spot that had only meant pain for Jane before. Her heart ached, feeling that if she could only lavish enough tenderness on that spot, she could somehow balance out the score, overwrite pain and fear with love and pleasure, the only feelings a person so wonderful _should_ know.

She wished she could tell her past self, the self that watched Jane's blood spill from this spot, that one day not only would Jane be safely healed, but she'd be kissing the faded scar, the whole ordeal only a ghost and a memory.

Kisses alone would no longer suffice and she needed to taste Jane's skin, laying warm delicate licks up her throat, feeling her pulse quicken, arriving at her ear and giving a sucking kiss to her earlobe.

Outside of this moment, Jane would never have let anyone do that for several reasons. Maybe that was why it was so unnervingly arousing. She just let her eyes close and enjoyed the sensation, enjoyed the liquified ache that began to tickle at her center. She almost whined when it stopped, even though she knew Maura's next destination would be even better.

"That's not a scar," she smiled, eyes still closed.

"I forgot to inform you," Maura replied, lips brushing Jane's breast as she spoke, "that this tour may include other points of interest."

"I guess that's okay," she conceded, stroking her fingers through golden hair contentedly, as one such point of interest was enveloped in a wonderfully warm mouth.

Maura soon smoothed her palm over the small, ridged scar on Jane's abdomen, the same one that had started all this.

She remembered pressing her palm against this spot over two years ago, trying to stop it from staining the pavement with crimson. There must have been more of Jane's blood outside her body than in. So much of it had been on Maura. For the first time in her life, she'd understood how the sight of blood made other people queasy.

Her lips lingered there, glad to know that same spot firm and healed.

"I guess this is also when I learned just how selfless you are. How brave."

"It was just... my job," Jane said, having to focus to carry on coherent discussion while Maura dragged increasingly wet kisses over her stomach.

"I'm fairly certain that shooting yourself isn't in the job description. You didn't know you weren't going to die."

"Figured I was. But it was a ffffair... trade to give you and Frankie a chance."

"You'd have done it for Frankie alone."

"And you alone."

"Even then?"

"Mm-hmmm," she answered, a little more like a moan than like conversation, as Maura kissed her navel.

"The umbilicus is, technically, a scar. The Manipura chakra, in Ayurveda."

"Mkay," Jane responded placidly.

Her tongue dipped into it, startlingly hot. It made her twitch.

"And also an erogenous zone."

"You don't say."

"Some women even report that stimulation in the navel... can transfer sensation to somewhere in the genital area." She said, poking gently with a finger.

"That's-_ss_-" Jane's hips flinched at a tiny but sharp sensation she hadn't expected, and she finally opened her eyes to look down sharply. "The... hell?"

Maura returned her lips there after a pleased smile.

"Does yours do that?"

"No," Maura answered forlornly. "What does it feel like?"

"Like you poked me with a pin."

"Where?"

"In frickin' _Egypt_, Mau- where you just said."

Maura chuckled, knowing she'd never get Jane to say anything more specific, and pressed her lips distinctly below her navel.

"Forgot one," Jane volunteered, sidetracking Maura with a twinge of nervousness about where she was heading. She pointed to her elbow. "That's from proving to Frankie I could jump farther off the swings."

Smiling, Maura leaned up to plant a kiss on a scar so small that it took a moment to find.

"The swings in your backyard?" she sank back down, safely to one side, kissing a hip bone like she'd intended to do anyway.

"How'd you know we had swings in the backyard?"

"Your mother's painting."

She knew Maura actually did have it hanging in her hallway right alongside her weird, snobbishly expensive paintings. And the funny thing was, it wasn't hanging there for Angela's sake, but because it actually did mean something to Maura.

"Hm."

Maura kissed down to the little triangular scar she had only recently noticed above her girlfriend's left knee.

"What's this from?"

"Car accident."

"When?"

"Ours."

"You didn't say anything."

"I just needed a band-aid... you were gonna have your leg chopped off."

Those lips were lingering toward the inside of her knee, somewhere between ticklish and maddening.

She was throbbing. And that soft, loving mouth was _right_ there.

She knew Maura wasn't trying to persuade her into anything, but right now, she'd made her more ready than she ever thought possible.. primed and ripe and warm and aching and buzzing and _okay okay yes fine just say it  
_

"Uhm... you know how you said, the other day... I think I could... accept, your um..."

She smiled, calmly planting more kisses. "Okay."

Jane was so grateful that Maura understood, because she had no idea how she would have finished that sentence.

And then somehow Maura got her legs to spread without asking, like those lips and her legs had some kind of agreement that Jane didn't know about, because now she had one leg bent up and Maura was slowly kissing every molecule of her inner thigh, and she could feel her nose and her breath tickle while she did it.

And her heart was pounding half because she was so incredibly exposed and half because she could not wait for Maura's mouth to close the rest of the distance.

Maura wasn't trying to get her to beg - not trying to tease. She wouldn't do that. She was just easing her into it, trying to get her as ready as possible.

She finally reached the apex of those bronzed thighs and Jane's leg jerked just at the warmth of her breath.

"Okay?" Maura checked, knowing full well that she was better than okay.

"Yep," came a quick, unusually high voice that made her smile.

Jane shivered. Tiny, in a warm way, not a cold way. Like there was a mild electrical current running all over the surface of her skin. She glanced down just in time to see Maura's eyes close, the same way they did before they kissed. She might pass out from that alone, until the rest fully killed her.

She was just glad Maura couldn't see whatever stunned face she made as she felt the softest lips kiss her hello, and the warmest tongue begin to bathe her folds. Her eyes rolled back.

_"uhhmyghhhhd,"_ she breathed in disbelief.

An audibly smiling report came from down below, "Jane, you're delicious." She knew Maura had said it out loud for her benefit, but what excited Jane was knowing her girlfriend couldn't be lying. She could only breathe helplessly in response.

Jane's heart pounded deafeningly in her ears as Maura's lips sealed against her and did tortuously gentle, heavenly, unspeakable things. Her legs trembled as she spread them wider, Maura's hands kneading softly at her hips. Her hands clenched the sheets like she was on a roller coaster about to drop.

Maura wasn't even trying to make her feel good yet. She was simply exploring for her own desire, her own curiosity; eagerly seeking more of this secret delicacy which she'd been dying to sample for so long, already prizing Jane far above any of the finest, rarest wines.

She wondered if her girlfriend was becoming more comfortable being vocal, or if she simply couldn't help herself.

Jane didn't _mean_ to moan. But... silky shoulders against the insides of her knees. But, soft golden hair pooled all around her thighs. But, that warm tongue that she could both feel and _hear_ dipping into her. She didn't have a choice.

She only wished that Maura could be up here with her at the same time, to kiss and anchor and hide her. When her outstretched hand happened to find a pillow, she pulled it and clamped it over her face to moan into, distinctly feeling and hearing a small chuckle.

Soon Jane realized her other hand was tangled in Maura's hair, pulling at the back of her head; she forced herself to let go and squeeze the sheets instead, not wanting to hurt her. Maura had only taken it as a compliment.

She had no idea how long it had been. But it didn't matter. Forget everything else. Forget her job forget life forget what year it was. All that mattered was Maura needed to keep moving her tongue exactly like that, otherwise she would die.

Maura would be more than happy to spend all day if that's what it took. She was honored to bring Jane this pleasure, honored she'd trusted her to do what no one else ever had.

But it was not going to take all day. Jane felt a finger slip inside her and she gasped sharply - it felt so unbelievably good and she had completely forgotten that was even an option - and when Maura began to suck her gently, it was already over.

With breathless groans of Maura's name, she gladly and completely surrendered. She wished she could do this gracefully like Maura always seemed to, but it was honestly so far beyond her control that she could not even care what she looked or sounded like.

Maura's fingers kept up with Jane's thrusts and jerks, curling and firmly stroking her until the spasms subsided and her hips fell back to the bed. After a minute, when both Jane's breathing and iron clench on her pillow seemed to relax, she dipped to her again. Jane flinched with one more aftershock.

She could only whimper, laying limply open and letting Maura softly lap at her slick center, the same ministrations that were obscene and destructive and maddening a moment ago, now soothing, healing, cleansing instead.

And then she was backtracking through the same journey she'd taken there in the first place. Kisses on her navel and her scar; a warm visit to each nipple. She lovingly covered Jane's throat with slow kisses again before moving the pillow aside - uncovering an incredibly satisfied smile and eyes that could not even bother trying to open.

"You like?" Maura asked with a self-satisfied smile and a kiss to her chin.

Jane wasn't sure what she _did_ mean to say, but it wasn't "_Mmmmmmuuuuuhhh_", although Maura seemed to get the general idea.

"Mind changed?"

Jane blindly offered Maura a noodly handshake in congratulations.

She willed her eyes open to smile at her girlfriend and welcome her kiss, realizing only as their lips touched what that would mean. She wasn't sure she would have agreed to it, but the faint flavor of Maura's deep kiss made her heart pound all over again.

Yeah. She would be trying this. ...later. After her body started working again.

Maura reached over and pulled the sheet over Jane; even though they'd worked up a sweat, she guessed correctly that Jane would prefer to be covered as she rested.

No one had ever cared to spend that long loving her entire body, even the ugly parts. Especially the ugly parts. Until maybe they didn't feel so ugly. It wasn't just a gesture, just a gimmick, just a Cosmo tip, it was the fact that she knew Maura really meant every kiss, even if it hadn't led here.

It was several minutes before she could speak properly, and when she began, her voice was scratchy.

"You know... sometimes I..." she found herself listening to her own words like even she didn't know what they were going to be. "I used to want to touch you so bad, even a long time ago. Not even in a... sex way, I mean just... well, I had this crazy sorta feeling like if they ever touched to you enough, they'd - my scars - they'd start to fade. Like just touchin' you was medicine, and if I ever got to, you'd.. heal 'em." She smiled weakly on her pillow, certain this sounded idiotic, especially to a doctor. "I know you'll tell me that's not a real thing, but... right now it doesn't feel half so stupid as I always thought."

"Then that makes it real," Maura smiled adoringly, stroking Jane's cheek. "I love you, Jane."

Jane smiled sleepily, accepting another soft kiss. "Love you, too."

Maura lay next to her, watching the way a tiny smile would spread on her lips each time she pressed a long kiss to the back of her hand.


End file.
